Reflections 1

With the countdown on my time here set at 10 days, it seems like I should be doing some reflecting, Mostly though, I am just doing lots of work! I’ve finished up my research (the second trip to Awasa was extremely successful) and I am not using my data to write both a paper for DKT and another for my own thesis. There is always time to procrastinate, and I thought I would use my last few blog entries to write a bit about what I’ll miss and what I won’t. I’d like to say I will post every day for the last 10 I am here, but that seems like an impossible goal, so let’s just say I’ll do my best.
Today’s Topic: My walk to work (and beyond).
This one is easy; I definitely won’t miss walking to work, or anywhere else in Addis Ababa for that matter. I wish I could say I’ll miss the sites, sounds and smells, but besides for the wisp of incense that sometimes comes from a coffee stand, I don’t think I will. I know I’ve written about it before, and bitched plenty on Facebook, but there is really nothing more complex to describe than walking around on the streets here. At first it seemed like my emotional reactions evolved over days, or weeks. First I was depressed by the poverty, which is certainly some of the most extreme in the world. If there is a person who could look at a woman dressed in rags, with no shoes on her feet, sitting on the ground nursing her baby and NOT feel depressed, well I really hope you aren’t reading my blog, because I don’t want to know you! As I got more settled in here this turned to hopelessness. There is just so much poverty, how will it ever change? After a few weeks, once the culture shock kicked in, my feelings again changed, to anger and annoyance. On a 10-minute walk to work up to 20 people may approach me asking me for money. There is only so many times you can say no to a small child trying to sell you a packet of gum before you just want him to go away. It sounds heartless, but I know most of the money in that case goes right back into a larger supply chain that is designed to keep kids on the street selling things. I don’t like to give money because I don’t want to encourage begging. It isn’t sustainable for individuals, or the country as a whole. Later, this anger just turned to frustration. I live such a blessed life, who am I to be angry with someone who has so little and sees me as a way to make some money? Aren’t I here to help?

As I said, these feelings first came in long waves. Now, I’ve noticed, I can feel this range of emotion in a short 10-minute walk. Sad as I walk past a small child playing with nothing but a rock on the street, than hopeless that I’ve been here 8 months and I still don’t know how to change that. Annoyed when his brother follows me for 4 blocks, pestering me for money I know I am not going to give. And then of course frustrated at myself, for becoming angry at such a small thing.

There isn’t much to break this cycle. Taking Puddles off the street was probably had the greatest effect, but as much as I want to I can’t adopt any of the adorable children (or any more puppies) that I walk past every day. I sometimes give people, especially mothers, food, which can sometime alleviate the emotions for at least a few blocks. I try to do this whenever I can, meaning we never make it home with leftovers, and I often make several stops at fruit stands to make it home with any produce, which are obviously minuscule sacrifices.

Leaving Ethiopia won’t erase the images of poverty I’ve witnessed here, and I am sure I will find myself in a similar environment before to long. I am, however, looking forward to a less emotionally draining walk, for at least a few months.